Time has passed, yet the pain is just the same, and it feels as if your loved one is still near. About grief that gets stuck, and how to let go.
Loss is one of the hardest things we go through. Grief is not an illness, and it has no fixed timetable. Some people need a few months, others a few years. But sometimes people tell me their grief seems to have got stuck: a long time has passed, the pain has not eased at all, and it feels as if their loved one has still not left.
What stuck grief looks like
A person cannot touch the belongings of the one who died or, on the contrary, cannot step away from them. The room is left just as it was. In dreams the loved one keeps coming in the same way, often restless. There is a sense of presence in the home: a smell, footsteps, a feeling of being watched. The grieving person feels guilty if they start to enjoy life again, as if it were a betrayal. Sometimes tiredness, insomnia and apathy come along too.
Why this happens
In my experience, something has often been left unfinished. You did not manage to say goodbye, words were left unsaid, you had quarrelled the last time you met. Sometimes a person holds on to the one who has gone without realising it, because letting go means admitting they are no longer here. So both remain between two worlds. Guilt, and the fear that you will not cope without them, make that bond even stronger.
What you can do yourself
Allow yourself to grieve. Tears are not weakness. Talk about the one who has gone with people who knew them. Write them a letter: what you wanted to say, what you are grateful for, what you are sorry for. You can read it at the grave, or simply light a candle and sit quietly. Sort through their belongings slowly, at your own pace; keep what is precious and give the rest to those who can use it. Spend time in nature, move, eat regularly. Grief wears out the body more than it seems. And do not compare your grief with anyone else’s. Everyone grieves in their own way, and there is no right or wrong way to do it.
When help is essential
If for a long time after a loss you cannot sleep, eat or work, if despair has taken hold, see a doctor or a psychologist. Bioenergy healing complements their help, but it does not replace it. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, or a wish to “go to them”, call 112 straight away or a crisis line (in Lithuania, Vilties linija 116 123).
Dreams and signs
Many grieving people ask about dreams. Is it normal to dream of your loved one every night? Is it a sign? Most often dreams are the way the soul works through a loss, and that is natural. Calm dreams in which the person who has gone smiles or says goodbye often bring relief. It is worth paying attention when the dreams are restless and keep repeating for a long time: the loved one is asking for something, searching, seems lost. Or when the presence felt in the home frightens rather than comforts, when children or pets behave restlessly. In such cases cleansing the home often helps too. But do not rush into fear. Most often it is a sign that something left unfinished needs to be calmly completed.
How I can help
During diagnostics I look at what is holding you: guilt, fear, unfinished matters, or a bond that lets neither you nor the one who has gone find peace. I help you let them go calmly. Not forget, but let go with love. If there is restlessness in your home, I can cleanse it. Many people tell me afterwards that the memories remained, but they no longer hurt so sharply.
If things are hard for you right now, you can simply call and talk. The first conversation is free. We can meet at my studio in Kaišiadorys or remotely, whichever is easier for you.
Through diagnosis I help you understand the causes of feeling unwell and of repeated setbacks. During correction your original inner state is restored: anxiety, fear and heaviness simply let go.
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